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"I want a Chihuahua"
By: Rev. Jen
My biological clock is ticking, ticking, ticking...
for a small gargoylesque mammal,
for a kindred, pointy eared saint
in any color-white, champaigne, brown or black,
even hairless or longhaired.
I want a chihuahua.
Loathesome to many for its rat like stature, but
basking in a wave of popularity produced by Taco Bell.
A deity of the uncool.
I want a chihuahua
more than a big screen TV
more than a human child
I want a chihuahua
I want to cradle it close to my busom, have it sleep at
the foot of my bed,
and in the still of the night, hear it emit tiny dog snores.
I want a girl chihauhua - a bitch, if you will.
With a large mental phallus, like me.
I will dress her up in jeweled collars like a high preistess.
Like a Saint Bernard, she will bear a barrel around her neck-
a tiny barrel, containing exactly one shot of whiskey.
I will name her after myself.
Friends say they find it disturbing that a single person would
name their pet after them, but I would be HER pet.
I will spoil her like no heiress have ever been spoiled. And that
is why I want for the day when I can spoil her, when I
can feed her gourmet dog food with sheaves of parsley on the side.
When I can take her to a dog masseuse, and when
she shivers, I can wrap her in coture.
My mental pangs burn in side me like wildfire.
My seamonkeys arent cutting the mustard.
I want a mammal more than a computer.
More than a car.
More than eternal orgasam.
I want a chihuahua.
I want her to bear her fangs in a Napoleon complex rage.
I want her to comfort me in times of greif, and in
return, I will be her best friend.
I will love, honor and cherish her until death do us part.
